If Ann Coulter told you once, she's told you a thousand times: Our country started going down the drain once we let women get the vote. Not only did liberal values only emerge the same year women got the vote, we now have an even bigger menace on our hands, and that would be the dishonest, vagina fueled, male-bashing campaign of Bill Clinton's wife. The media has taken great pains to inform the public about the consequences of this race with hard-hitting stories about Clinton's tears, but the results of New Hampshire, which set in stone who the candidates for the 2008 election will be, has shown us that a much larger plan of information is necessary.
Some will ask - is she such a threat, with her corporate ties, support for war, and opponents that are promising weary public of a "change" from the current status quo of politics as usual? I say yes, for one reason, and one alone – she is a woman, and therefore all women will vote for her.
Women do not differ significantly from each other, so there is really no reason to define them outside of their gender. Clinton has caught on to this as well, which is why every move she makes is nothing more than a gender card in order to dupe women into vote for her. And women, being that they can only process so much and shoes take up most of the thinking capacity they have, fall for it every time hook, line and sinker.
You can see this in pretty much anything Clinton does once you start from the conclusion that no matter what she does or says, she's playing the gender card. Is she acting tough on things like National Security? Don't be fooled, she's really wants the terrorists to sit around and discuss feelings. She's pretending to be "unnatural" to her feminine state so that she can appeal to the feminists, who we know want to be men. Does she claim to want to discuss feelings or show emotion? Don't be fooled by this either, she's pretending that she's not an ice queen in order to appeal to women, who are all emotional and eat that kind of stuff up.
Let's just cut to the chase: Hillary Clinton is a woman. She has a vagina. That makes her similar to other women, who also have vaginas. Which means that pretty much everything she does is aimed at securing the female vote. Unless she finds a way to remove that vagina and become human, everything she does cannot be anything but a playing the gender card. And she even goes farther than this, she actively excludes men by pointing out to her audience that she is female, or when she says that politics is traditionally a male-dominated field (which we know is not true, because of Nancy Pelosi). She even using sexism in her hiring practices, hiring women based on their gender and turning men away because of theirs. We know this because she has women in her employment. And that's not fair. Male is what we see as the norm in politics, and there is no reason to change that, it's worked so well for the past 200 years. To deviate from that and include others in the campaigning process would be, you know, unfair to males. There is just something inherently sexist about not allowing males their rightful place in the center of all the attention, to take privilege like that away now is the worst form of discrimination we have ever seen in the history of our country.
Some of those feminists might point out that there's a double standard, saying that interpreting everything Clinton does through a lens of gender in order to accuse her of playing the gender card is a double standard, being that male candidates have often played on stereotypical male traits to appeal to male voters. However, they are wrong. Only women can play the gender card, because men aren't just a "gender", they are a diverse group of humans. And there's nothing wrong with playing the "human card." Which is why Huckabee being photographed carrying a rifle isn't a shout out to male voters or a play on machismo at all. I mean, women can fire rifles too once their husbands teach them how! So if you ever think that playing with guns, trying on solider helmets or wearing codpieces on aircraft carriers is playing a gender card, then I guess you are just sexist.
But there is something even more sinister going on here then just playing the gender card. And I'm here to tell you all, once and for all, that what you have suspected has always been the truth: Hillary Clinton's vagina is able to emit radioactive waves that brainwash other women. If you are female, you are powerless against the massive power of Hillary Clinton's vagina, those that dissent from the Clinton vagina instantly find their vaginas turned off and non-responsive to stimuli, which makes date night kind of a bore.
Hillary Clinton apparently got emotional talking about America this past week. And by "got emotional", I mean totally lost her shit and start bawling during a press conference while banging her fists on the table and screaming "I WANNA BE PREZ! ME! ME! VAGINA!" Now, you might be thinking that you didn't see this at all. But that is probably because you don't have a vagina, and you weren't transmitted the waves that allowed you to see the scene for what is really is. Luckily, the 24 hour news channels have plenty of men on their staff that can translate vaginese perfectly. I mean, who are you going to believe, the all-knowing pundits, or your lying eyes? And don't even turn to women that also agree that there was no emotional breakdown, because they are lying. Women do that.
Even without translation, we know that Hillary was working in vagina code that night. Every woman in the country supports her now, and we know this because many women in New Hampshire voted for her, and women all think alike. And as usual, there isn't a logical explanation for that except that women are emotional and Hillary's vagina-coded tear, one at a time rolling down her face, brainwashed them into voting for her. Sure, there were women that left the polls who directly attributed it to the misogyny hurled at Clinton after the Iowa caucuses, but again, they are lying. Plus, even if the votes were out of anger and not out of wanting to give Clinton a big old girl hug and pass the traveling pants on to her, we all know angry women are irrational. More than likely, they were prompted to project the anger that they had at their husbands that didn't take out he garbage last night onto the polls.
I could talk about the vagina menace all day, but unfortunately I'm feeling a tingling down below, telling me that I must desist. Apparently I've been given orders to put up an article in vagina code about the uterati plan to steal sperm from men and impregnate ourselves using Turkey Basters and then abort them on a whim but still demand child support so we can fund our lavish lifestyles out in Orange Country. Those of you with vagina decoders can check this out in my next article:
"Bunnies… they sure are cute, aren't they?"